


this feeling hasn't changed

by aisu10



Category: Chronicle (2012)
Genre: Cardiophilia, Gen, Heartbeat Kink, Heartbeats, M/M, Playing Doctor, i think youve got a pretty good idea of what this is by now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-02
Updated: 2016-11-02
Packaged: 2018-08-28 16:16:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8453164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aisu10/pseuds/aisu10
Summary: andrew & matt play doctor as kids, and then again as preteens.





	

**Author's Note:**

> dont judge me too hard please

"but i don't _want_ a shot, matt."  
  
"i'm your doctor, andrew, you have to do what i say."  
  
they're 6 and 7 years old, sitting on the floor of matt's room with an array of plastic medical tools laid out around them. the shot, though blunt and meant to be harmless, always hurts when applied with as much enthusiasm as matt always employs. andrew's wrist is caught in matt's grasp and his sleeve is pushed up to reveal his bony shoulder, where the fake shot hovers ominously above his freckled skin.  
  
_"please,_ matt?" andrew looks to be on the verge of tears, getting more anxious every second that matt draws the ordeal out.  
  
"don't worry andrew, you won't even feel it," matt says as his tongue splits his lips in concentration and he promptly stabs the plastic needle into andrew's skin.  
  
_"OW!"_ andrew cries, shaking his shoulder to dislodge the toy and force his cousin to drop it on the floor with a clatter. "matt! i felt it!"  
  
"didn't hurt a bit!" matt says gleefully, giggling at his cousin's red face as he finally sets his arm free.  
  
"why do _you_ always get to be the doctor?" andrew sniffs, curling his arm into his chest as he rubs his sore shoulder.  
  
"because, i'm the oldest."  
  
"by a few months," andrew grumbles.  
  
"the good news is the check up's almost over," matt announces. of all the toys on the floor, there's only one left that hasn't been used. he's already hit andrew's knee with the plastic mallet (another painful experience), wrapped his arm up in the sphygmomanometer (a word which neither of them can say), looked in his ears with the otoscope and his eyes with the ophthalmoscope (another word they both stumble over). the only thing left to do is to use the stethoscope to listen to andrew's heart.  
  
andrew sighs grudgingly and begins to lift up his shirt. he doesn't have to look at the instruments on the floor to know what's next. matt always saves this one for last.  
  
with his own heartbeat picking up speed in his chest, matt grabs the fake stethoscope off the ground and puts the earpieces in his ears. they're hard and not very comfortable, but when he holds the circular diaphragm up to andrew's sternum it just feels right. he doesn't know why he likes this part so much, but he always has. maybe it has something to do with the way andrew is holding up his shirt for him, exposing himself and opening up to matt in a way he rarely does. he can't actually hear his heartbeat through the fake plastic stethoscope, but he can feel it tapping against his fingertips from underneath the diaphragm and he makes up a sound for it in his head, something deep and low and regular like a pair of shoes thumping around in his mom's dryer after they get wet in the rain, or the bass drum in the school marching band keeping time. matt keeps the plastic disc in place for a long time as andrew's chest rises and falls with measured breaths under it, ribs shifting visibly beneath his skin, content to sit here and imagine the sound of andrew's heart for as long as he'll let him. but eventually and inevitably his little cousin voices his impatience.  
  
"are you done yet?"  
  
"don't talk, i can't hear," matt scolds.  
  
"you can't hear anything anyway, it's just a toy!"  
  
_"shh!"_  
  
andrew shushes him back and matt responds by poking andrew’s belly button. he flinches with a yelp and smacks the stethoscope away, pulling his shirt back down and sitting there with his arms crossed over his chest and his face scrunched in a grumpy pout while matt laughs.  
  
"why do you even like this game so much?" he complains. matt isn't sure how to reply, busying himself with putting the plastic toys back in their box while he tries to come up with something that doesn't sound weird.  
  
"...i dunno. maybe i wanna be a doctor when i grow up."  
  
"yesterday you said you wanted to be a policeman," andrew points out.  
  
"i changed my mind."  
  
"and on career day last year you said you wanted to be a _garbage_ man!"  
  
"well, you said you wanted to be a _knight!_ those don't even exist!"  
  
"they do too exist! or... at least they _did..."_ andrew looks off forlornly, and matt sighs.  
  
"you can pick the next game if you want."  
  
"really?" andrew asks suspiciously.  
  
"yeah, really."  
  
andrew stares at him for a moment, clearly still unsure if he'll keep his word, then states:  
  
"...yugioh cards."  
  
matt sighs again.  
  
_"fine."_  
  
\--  
  
several years later they're in middle school together and matt's over at andrew's house after class. andrew's mom has fallen asleep on the couch after a long day working in the ER, leaving the two boys to fend for themselves until matt's mom over comes to pick him up and the doorbell inevitably wakes karen up. they're scavenging for a snacks in the kitchen when matt discovers a big black bag sitting out on the counter and takes a peek inside.  
  
"what's in here?" matt asks as he undoes the clasp.  
  
andrew looks up from the cabinet he's rummaging through and says, "uh... that's my mom's stuff from work."  
  
"oh my god," matt says, pulling a sphygmomanometer out of the bag, "this is just like the toy we used to play with when we were little!"  
  
"well, yeah. except it's real."  
  
"we've _got_ to play with these, dude."  
  
_"play?"_ andrew's brow furrows, forming that line on his forehead that means he's about to be a huge party pooper. "what are you, _5?"_ _  
_  
"no... i just think it'd be cool to try it."  
  
"try it on yourself then," andrew grumbles, checking another cabinet.  
  
"c'mon, don't you wanna be my patient again?" matt asks playfully, but he feels his cheeks heating up at the words. somehow the whole thing seems a lot less _innocent_ now that they're almost teenagers. still, for some reason he's eager to have andrew sitting prone before him again, to examine him, give him pretend shots, maybe even try out the nice sleek stethoscope he finds lying at the bottom of the bag. his face flushes even more as his fingers brush the rubber tubing. would andrew still lift his shirt up for him? he finds himself hoping so and immediately buries the thought underneath the big rock at the back of his mind where he hides the weird stuff. he just really wants to try it out. honest. but andrew clearly has other ideas.  
  
"dude... _no."_ _  
_  
"come on, andrew. do it for _science."_ _  
_  
andrew rolls his eyes. "will you help me find a snack after?"  
  
"yeah, you can have mine, too."  
  
andrew still doesn't look very excited about it, but he heaves a frustrated sigh and gets up.  
  
_"alright."_  
  
there's butterflies in matt's stomach as he picks up the bag and runs off to andrew's room with a grin.  
  
\--  
  
there aren't any fake shots this time, considering the only needle in the bag would have actually pierced andrew's skin. but luckily the sphygmomanometer actually works, inflating when he squeezes the bulb and tightening around andrew's arm until his fingers turn white.  
  
"matt, take it off!"  
  
"no, andrew, i have to check your blood pressure --"  
  
andrew snatches the bulb away from matt and lets the air out of the cuff, shaking his arm to regain circulation.  
  
"nothing that _hurts,_ alright? why don't you just use the stethoscope and get this over with?"  
  
matt looks over at the stethoscope lying on the desk behind him. he's been saving it for last, as always, but this time he's not just excited, he's _nervous_ about using one for real. he's never actually gotten to hear andrew's heartbeat, even though he's thought a lot about it over the years as he replayed their childhood games in his head. his fingers tingle as he gently picks the instrument up and turns it over in his hands. just like it had when he was young, his heartbeat speeds up with anticipation as he looks at it, pulse pounding in his throat. with meticulous care he inserts each earpiece into his ears, running his hand down the tubing to cradle the diaphragm on the end. he taps it with his thumb once, twice, listening to the dull thuds, somehow muffled and perfectly clear at the same time. when he looks up, andrew's still sitting on the bed with his signature grumpy look on his face, lips a flat line.  
  
"well?"  
  
matt frowns. "...you've gotta lift your shirt up."  
  
**_"matt."_ **  
  
matt fingers the diaphragm some more, too embarrassed to look andrew in the eyes, and mumbles:  
  
"just do it like you used to."  
  
never before has the crease on andrew's forehead been so deep. knowing that if he does this one thing the ordeal will finally end, he grabs the edge of his shirt and thrusts it up to his collarbone with all the contempt he can muster. the butterflies in matt's stomach stir again, fluttering up a storm. he hasn't seen andrew with his shirt off for a long time -- he even wears one in the pool, and they stopped bathing together before first grade -- but he still recognizes every bone and freckle, even if there are some differences. most notably, all his baby pudge was sacrificed during his puberty growth spurt, making the outline of his ribs even more visible beneath his skin. taking a deep breath, matt reaches forward and places the diaphragm on the left side of andrew's chest.  
  
andrew gives a hiss at the cold touch, louder than necessary to remind matt of his irritation, but as soon as the air has left his lungs another sound takes its place: the jagged thumping of andrew's heartbeat. the tempo is accelerated, clearly nervous, but dutifully keeping its rhythm. just as stubborn as the boy it belongs to, it refuses to skip or falter for more than a single beat as he breathes evenly in and out and swallows his nerves. it doesn't really sound like any of the things matt used to pretend it did, but somehow it's still comforting and familiar as it fills matt's head through his eardrums instead of his imagination. his logical mind struggles for words to describe it, running through sonorous, thundering, steady, _loud_ \-- but eventually settles on andrew. like always he can feel it thudding through the diaphragm, but now it travels up the bones of his fingers to echo throughout his entire body, connecting them in a way he's never experienced before. maybe that's why he's always liked stethoscopes so much. ever since childhood his cousin has been so quiet, so hard to understand, and maybe he's just always wished he could hear the secrets in his head as easily as he can hear his heart beating in his chest.  
  
at first matt's speechless, giving none of his usual annoying commentary to rile andrew up. he'd be happy to spend eternity with his eyes closed and the headset in his ears, lost in the all-encompassing soundscape created by the movement of andrew's blood and breath. but eventually a rumbling growl invades the sanctuary and a grin spreads across his face.  
  
"i can hear your stomach growling."  
  
andrew, who hasn't made eye contact with matt the entire time his shirt's been pulled up, turns an even brighter shade of red than matt already is, mouth twisting into an indignant frown.  
  
"that's because you didn't let me have any snacks."  
  
matt giggles, tuning back into andrew's insides with a dreamy smile.  
  
"are you done yet?" andrew asks, repeating his younger self, impatient as he's always been.  
  
"just one more minute."  
  
"why?"  
  
matt grins at him.  
  
"i'm your doctor, you have to do what i say."  
  
"you're so weird, matt."  
  
some things never change.


End file.
